A Classically Trained Actor!

heres a wee oldie, but goldie.  Based on true events and a person who needs no introduction around here.

 

A CLASSICALLY TRAINED ACTOR

Here is the tale of a classically trained actor,
Who’s talents wouldn’t be out of place on the x-factor,
He’s efficient at photography, acting and mincing,
And out of the three, the last one’s most convincing.

He helps the bands set up on a friday night,
When he’s not doing this he’s usually spouting some shite,
About all the ideas he has in his head,
Well he should have plenty, it’s as big as a shed.

He majors in drama, in case you didn’t know,
And he loves nothing better than putting on a show,
‘Rocky Horror’, ‘Moulin Rouge’ and the rest are all fine,
But his greatest achievement will be his very own pantomime.

‘How you doin’?’ is his catchphrase, like joey from FRIENDS,
And his choice of shirts usually often offends,
He’s one with the ladies, offering lollipops cheap,
While the DJ spins a tune in his honour – Radiodheads ‘CREEP’.

His acting is ropey and DJing quite shitty,
But even he couldn’t fail an audition for RIVER CITY,
He often complains I don’t play his requests,
But when you ask for KID ROCK, what the hell do you expect.

When it comes to the camera, It’s never far away,
Pictures of bands and people drunk, he just loves to display,
Whether its MARK with a hoover or myself dressed in drag,
Thank yourself lucky Colin, he never got your bawbag.

Well thats a little insight to our talented friend,
But talking with him too much will drive you round the bend,
Better in small doses, or with a pinch of salt,
Add tequila and lime, and the pain must surely halt.

‘It’s good to talk’ said BOB HOSKINS for B.T.,
But not when the talkings directed at me,
Time for the cash desk and give us a break,
Away and annoy some other fucker for Christs sake.

It’s the end of the night, and talk turns to a party,
‘Is he coming along?’, ‘Oh! really, does he have to?’,
As long as he stays in the kitchen all night,
Because the last time he came through, you know what happened?
………………….THAT’S RIGHT!

THE END.

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